Friday, October 13, 2006

I met my Grandson the day he died

Well, as you can see, it has been awhile since my last post... just haven't been much in the mood.. shortly after hearing about my nephew, who is fine now.. my daughter called with horrible news about my grandson... I flew to Iowa as quick as I could, to be with her, my son, and their mother.. it was a very sad time... difficult for all of us.. and the mourning, for me, lasted awhile..

I had never met Orrin, before that day.. I estranged myself from my daughter, not on purpose.. and certainly not planned.. nonetheless, true.. I spent the last 24 years expecting the bond her and I had until she left me, with her mother, at 4 years old, would still be intact.. no matter what actions I took or did not take... and on most occasions, the latter.. how naive of me...

But, she wanted me there, to be by her side as her son passed away.. along with her mother, and her brother and sister(half). And this was not going to be one of those times where I neglected her..

Orrin was playing outside of he paternal grandparents house.. a 15 month old, prolly barely walking.. fell in a coy pond and drowned before anyone found him.. Becky was at work, as was the father.. he was in the care of the grandparents.. he was revived, and kept alive by all sorts of machines, until the family arrived, and at about 10:30 am, monday, the 9th of october, they disconnected the last of the machines, and he passed on about 8 minutes later..

Since then.. not much has mattered to be in my life.. certainly not poker.. and certainly not blogging... I pretty much immersed myself in work... coming in early, staying late, working weekends... I kept taking mental notes of stuff to blog about.. and occasionally i would fire up a SNG on Absolute.. but, it just didn't feel right...

Now, today, a little over a month after the loss.. I am remembering how 2 years ago, when I was in a similiar physcological 'perdicament'.. I starting blogging, and the daily writing of thoughts and such helped me.. and since I really don't like working extra hours.. I am going to start blogging again...

I love my children very much.. and I know they know this.. but over the last 20 years I just have not done the things a father should do, in regard to his children.. and it was due to my own selfish needs.. even tho there were mitigating circumstances.. I could have and should have overcome those obstacles.. I can only hope that I am not too late realizing how stupid I am..

So, for my loyal 2 or 3 readers, now you know why I have been absent..

This year in summary, has infact, been pretty sucky...

pnemonia in march
auto accident in july
kidney stone in september
nephew with herniated diaphragm in oct
loss of grandson in oct

I got like 40 bucks on Absolute I built up from nothing.. gonna start playing again and see if I can't make it 400.. :)

See ya in Vegas!!!